Anna and I discussed losing Jose again last night. We agreed that trying to determine a sensible, valid reason for such a loss was useless. There's no explanation why a 25-year-old man is taken from his loving wife and 2-year-old son.
My dad died in January 2001. In November 2003, Armando had his breakdown that forced me to finally confront and begin fighting the disease of alcoholism in our family. Jesica was killed in January of 2004. Sara went through her divorce in 2007. Jose was killed in November of 2008. Hopefully, our family is getting all the bad stuff out of the way in the first decade of this new century.
But, seriously, each of those events was a chaotic upheaval experienced by members of our family to varying degrees. Each event forcing the ever-present question, "Why?" As Anna and I talked last night about these experiences, we realized once again that time marches on regardless of what condition we find ourselves in. Death stops the lives of those who go on before but nothing stops time for the rest of us. That hole in the heart that such a loss creates grows smaller with time. So, I guess it's good that time moves ever forward. If we were allowed to stop and linger over our losses, we might not ever move forward and heal.
Personally, looking into 2009 is rather challenging. I have less work than I've ever had since I first began working like this 15 years ago. It feels like the cosmos is closing that door and I know another will open. I even think I know where it will lead. I just wish my confidence would catch up.
Whatever happens, I know that 2009 will be better than the rest of this century has been. I can feel it. Happy New Year.
Posts
Try Again - Don't Give Up
15 years ago
